What to Say When You Don’t Know What to Say (with Examples) (2024)

Co-authored bySeth Halland Bailey Cho

Last Updated: April 9, 2024Fact Checked

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1. Fill in the pause with a transitional phrase, give a compliment, then ask a question. This simple structure is the perfect way to reignite a conversation and make the other person feel good. If possible, prepare some questions ahead of time so you never run out of things to say, and tailor your questions to match the other person’s hobbies and interests.^[1]

   • Transitional phrases:
     • “Oh, by the way…”
     • “I’ve been wondering…”
     • “This is so random, but…”
     • “I’ve been meaning to say/ask…”
   • Compliments & follow-up questions:
     • “I really admire your work. Who’s your biggest inspiration?”
     • “Your outfit is everything! Where do you usually shop for clothes?”
     • “You have the best taste in music. How do you discover new artists?”
     • “Your slides look so neat and professional. What program do you use?”
     • “I need new headphones and yours look so comfortable. Are they worth it?”
     • “I love how you’re always reading. Do you have any book recommendations?”
   • Questions to keep in your back pocket:
     • “What do you like to do in your free time?”
     • “How do you know the other people here?”
     • “What’s your favorite thing about your job?”
     • “Did you have any fun plans this weekend?”
     • “Are you from here originally? What’s your hometown?”
     • “Have you seen that new show on Netflix? What do you usually watch?”

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1. 1

   When someone passes away It’s totally normal to be at a loss for words when someone shares news about a death or tragedy, but expressing a sincere sentiment is one of the best ways to comfort them and show your support.^[2]

   • Extend your condolences: “I am so sorry for your loss.” “You will be in my thoughts and prayers.” “Sending my love and deepest sympathies to you and your family.”
   • Validate their emotions: “This must be extremely difficult for you.” “It’s completely normal and healthy to feel this way.” “I cannot imagine what you are going through right now.”
   • Offer tangible or emotional support: “I’m here if you need anyone to talk to.” “I can bring dinner over. What do you want to eat?” “I know you have a lot on your plate right now, and I want to help out. Let me know what you’d like and it’ll be done.”
   • Share kind words about the deceased: “Your brother was a great guy, and he will be missed terribly.” “There is no one in the world like your mom. I know she would be so proud of you.” “He lit up every room he walked into, and I’m forever grateful that you introduced us.”
2. 2

   When someone is severely sick Terminal illness is a sensitive topic, but you can’t go wrong by expressing sympathy and support. It’s also okay to admit you’re at a loss for words, so feel free to ask for a moment to process your emotions and come up with a response.

   • “I’m so sorry you’re going through this.”
   • “Wow, I don’t know what to say. How are you doing, really?”
   • “I really want to help. What can I do to make things easier for you?”
   • “Give me a minute to process this. I’m sorry, but I just wasn’t expecting that.”
3. 3

   When someone is having a bad day If you’re talking to an acquaintance or a stranger, acknowledge their emotions and wish them well for the rest of the day. If you’re talking to a loved one, ask them if they want to open up about their situation or if there’s anything you can do to make them feel better.

   • “Man, that sucks. Do you want to talk about it?”
   • “I don’t know what to say, but I’m always here for you.
   • “That sounds terrible, so I totally get why you feel like this.”
   • “Aw, I’m sorry to hear that. I hope the rest of your day goes better.”

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1. 1

   When someone reaches a goal Whether they accomplished something in their personal or professional life, shower them with support to deepen your bond. Your enthusiasm shows that you truly care about them and want them to succeed in life.

   • “Congrats, dude. You totally deserve it!”
   • “Wow, that’s so exciting! Congratulations!!”
   • “That’s so great to hear! Let’s grab a drink to celebrate!!”
   • “OMG, I’m so proud of you! What are you the most excited about?”
2. 2

   Baby announcement If someone announces their pregnancy, respond with positivity and empathize with their experience. Some parents-to-be might be feeling stressed, anxious, or overwhelmed by the experience, so asking them questions or offering support is a great way to lift their spirits.

   • “This is big news! How are you handling everything?”
   • “Congratulations! Do you know if it’s a boy or a girl?”
   • “Yay! Have you started brainstorming baby names?”
   • “I guarantee you’re going to have the most stylish kid on the block. I mean, look at you guys!”
   • “Oh my goodness, the baby is going to be the absolute cutest since you two are the parents.”
   • “Wow! Please reach out if you need any help—I know tons of pregnancy blogs, books, and support groups.”
3. 3

   Engagement announcement If someone announces they’re getting married, express joy to celebrate their major milestone in life. If you’re not particularly close to the engaged couple, a simple congrats is the way to go, but if they’re super important to you, feel free to crack a joke, ask questions about the engagement, or mention specific details about their relationship.

   • “I’m so, so, so happy for you!!”
   • “Congratulations! Have you started planning the wedding?”
   • “OMG! Tell me how the proposal went, and don’t leave out any details!!”
   • “Finally! It’s about time you two got engaged—you were made for each other!”

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1. Talk about your surroundings, bring up a general topic, or compliment them. If you want to start a conversation with a stranger (or they come up to you), look around the room to see if you can use something as a jumping-off point. Alternatively, strike up small talk over pop culture or current events, or give them a nice compliment to break the ice.

   • “Your shoes are sick! Where did you get them?”
   • “Do you come here often? I’m not sure what to order.”
   • “Have you heard about the Girl Dinner trend on TikTok?”
   • “The traffic is crazy today. Have you ever seen it get so busy?”
   • “I can’t believe the temperature dropped overnight. Do you think it’ll be cold this weekend too?”
   • “That is the most unique rug I’ve seen in a while. Where do you think you can get something like this?”

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1. 1

   During an interview If your mind goes blank during an interview, take a deep breath and try not to panic. Tell yourself that it doesn’t mean you’ve blown the opportunity, and focus on the parts of the question that you understand. If all else fails, use any of the following responses:

   • Ask the recruiter to repeat or clarify the question: “I’m not sure what you’re asking. Could you provide me with an example?” “I’m sorry. Can you repeat that one more time? I want to make sure that I heard you correctly.”
   • Ask for a moment to compose your answer: “That’s a great question! Let me think about that for a moment.” “Hmmm. Could you give me a minute to collect my thoughts?”
   • Be honest if you can’t think of an answer: “Honestly, I can’t answer your question because I haven't used that program, but I am extremely interested in learning it.” “To be honest, my mind is going blank. Could you give me a moment to compose myself?” “I’m not familiar with that company, but I’ll definitely look it up after this interview!”
2. 2

   At a networking event Networking is one of the best ways to grow your professional network and advance in your career, but how can you make a memorable first impression with so many people in the room? Focus on forming authentic connections with people, instead of chatting to everyone, and look for shared goals and interests to keep the conversation going.

   • “How did you hear about this event?”
   • “How long have you been in this field?”
   • “What made you interested in this industry?”
   • “What projects are you working on right now?”
   • “What does a typical work week look like for you?”
3. 3

   When your boss asks for feedback It can be intimidating to share your thoughts about the work environment, but providing constructive criticism can boost your productivity (and well-being) in the long run. Compliment your boss on the things they do well on so they continue that behavior, then mention any concerns or specific areas that they can improve on.

   • “Thank you for reaching out to me. I know you’re busy, but I would prefer if we had more frequent check-ins to ensure I’m on track to hit all our goals.”
   • “I’m more than happy to share my thoughts on how to improve productivity, but I need some time to think about it. I’ll definitely get back to you when I come up with something.”
   • “Thank you for asking! In my opinion, the biggest area of improvement would be our communication style. I find it can be hard to contact you when I have any questions.”
   • “Thank you for helping me whenever you can. The only area that could be better is how I receive feedback. Personally, I need more space to be productive, so would it be possible to get feedback once I finish my assignment?”

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1. 1

   When someone says they love you Saying “I love you” is a big step in any relationship, so if someone admits it to you, it’s totally normal to feel a mix of emotions. Whether you feel touched, surprised, or confused, here’s how you can respond with kindness and honesty:

   • “You have no idea how long I’ve waited to hear you say those words. I love you, too!”
   • “Wow, that’s a big statement. Can you give me a few seconds to gather my thoughts?”
   • “Thank you for sharing that with me. To be honest, I think I’ll need some time before I get there, but don’t get me wrong, I care about you a lot.”
2. 2

   When they express feelings for you (but you don’t feel the same) Unrequited love can make things feel awkward, but as long as you’re honest about your feelings and clearly communicate your stance to the other person, it’s totally possible to continue your friendship.^[3]

   • “I’m flattered, but I’m not interested.”
   • “I appreciate you saying that, but I don’t see you in a romantic way. Is it cool if we just stay friends?”
   • “I think you’re a wonderful person, but unfortunately, I’m not looking to get into a relationship right now. I hope you understand.”
3. 3

   When someone rejects you It’s completely normal to feel hurt if your feelings aren’t reciprocated, but it doesn’t mean you have to burn bridges or lash out at the other person. Instead, show them that you respect their honesty and can handle rejection gracefully.^[4]

   • “I appreciate your honesty and, really, no worries.”
   • “No worries! Hope you find what you’re looking for.”
   • “You know where to find me if you ever change your mind!”
   • “Aw that’s a bummer. Thanks for being transparent, though.”
   • “Thank you for letting me know where we stand. I really appreciate your honesty, and wish you the best.”
4. 4

   When your partner is upset Whether they’re sad, angry, or stressed, the best way to support your partner is to validate their emotions. Tell them that you understand how they feel, based on their experience, and that you’ll always be there to lend a listening ear.^[5]

   • “I know it’s a tough time for you, but let me know if there’s anything I can do.”
   • “I understand why you feel angry, and I want to let you know that I’m always here for you.”
   • “Hey, it’s totally valid to be upset about the situation—I would be having a complete meltdown if I were you. Remember that I’m here if you want to talk about it more.”
5. 5

   When you want to be flirty Whether you already know the other person or not, initiating conversation is the best way to flirt and show interest. Compliment the other person early on so you don’t get trapped in the friend zone, and feel free to be playful and show off your sense of humor.

   • “Wanna be my little spoon?”
   • “What’s your type, and why is it me?”
   • “Ugh, I need help. I can’t stop thinking about you.”
6. 6

   When you want to ask someone out Once you’ve made small talk with the other person, be as specific and direct as possible so they understand what you’re getting at. Suggest an activity you think they’ll be interested in, and use any of the following lines as guidance:

   • “Do you have time for dinner on Thursday night?”
   • “I have tickets to the game this week, and I’d love to take you.”
   • “Would you be down to grab coffee together? I’m free on Saturday!”
7. 7

   When you want to break up with someone Breakups can be extremely upsetting, but showing empathy toward the other person can help minimize the pain of the situation. Just be sure to focus on the issues of your relationship, instead of blaming your partner, and use any of the following responses for inspiration:

   • “I think you’re a great person, but I don’t think we’re the right fit for each other.”
   • “I care about you, but I don’t think we should continue to be a couple. I feel like we’re on different paths in life, and our values don’t align as much as I’d like.”
   • “After living together the past few months, I think it’s best if we go our separate ways. We have different styles of living that just aren’t compatible with each other.”
8. 8

   When you miss someone If you’re in a long-distance relationship, let your partner know that you’re thinking of them by making plans to catch up, telling them how excited you are to see them in person, and sending a text when something reminds you of them.

   • “Woke up thinking about you. I can’t wait to wake up in your bed!”
   • “I can’t wait to see your beautiful face. Let’s spend all day at the beach when I get back.”
   • “Counting down the days until I see you again! I saw the most gorgeous sunset, and it reminded me of you.”
9. 9

   When someone ghosts you While the best way to respond to a ghoster is to say nothing, sending one last text can help you get closure and move forward. Crack a joke if your relationship wasn’t that serious, or ask for clarity if you want them to explain their behavior:

   • “I didn’t sign up to date Casper.”
   • “We’re too old for this. Just tell me how you feel.”
   • “Are you okay? I haven’t heard from you in a while.”
   • “Did your phone die? You could’ve asked me if you needed a charger.”

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1. If you feel uncomfortable accepting praise or have people pleasing tendencies, responding to “Thank you” can be tricky. It might seem like “You’re welcome” is the only way to reply, but there are so many options to choose from:

   See Also

   Don't know what to say

   • If they thank you for something minor: “It’s no problem!” “It’s my pleasure.” “It was no bother.”
   • If they thank you for accepting their apology: “Don’t worry! We all make mistakes sometimes.” “Seriously, it’s no big deal. Forget it even happened!”
   • If they thank you for being there for them: “Of course, you’re my best friend!” “Anytime! I know you’d do the same for me.”
   • If they thank you for a compliment: “You’re very welcome!” “No problem, it’s the truth!”
   • If they thank you for a gift: “You’re welcome. I’m glad you liked it.” “You’re very welcome. I knew I had to get it for you the moment I saw it!”

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1. If you have low self-esteem, it can be hard to accept compliments, but it’s also possible to blank out because you’re caught off guard.^[6] A simple “thank you” is the easiest way to acknowledge the other person’s sentiments, but feel free to express your gratitude by saying:

   • “Aw, thanks. That totally made my day!”
   • “You’re too kind. I love your outfit too.”
   • “That means the world to me. Thank you so much.”
   • “I really appreciate that. I put in a lot of effort today.”

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1. It takes courage for someone to admit their mistakes, and while it’s important to show appreciation for their apology, it doesn’t mean you have to accept it on the spot. If you still need time to process the situation, be honest about your feelings and use any of the following responses:

   • If they apologize for something minor: “No worries.” “It’s no big deal.” “Forget about it!”
   • If you were never upset with them: “Thanks but don’t worry about it. I wasn’t offended.” “It’s not your fault, so there’s no need to apologize.”
   • If you decide to forgive them: “Thank you for apologizing. I really needed to hear that.” “I understand why you felt the need to lie and I accept your apology.”
   • If you don’t accept their apology: “No, I don’t accept your apology. It doesn’t sound like you’re taking accountability for your actions.” “I appreciate your apology, but I’m not ready to accept it.”
   • If you need more time: “I appreciate your apology, but I still need time to process it.” “I can’t stop thinking about what happened between us, and I need some time for myself.”
   • If they text you an apology: “Thanks for the text, but I think this is something we should talk about in person.” “What happened yesterday was a big deal to me, and I don’t want to talk about it over text. Can we FaceTime?”

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1. Things can get pretty awkward when someone makes an offensive comment or brings up a controversial topic, but before saying anything, think about your relationship with the other person and if it’s worth speaking up. If you decide to take action, here are some possible responses:

   • Tell them that you feel uncomfortable: “Not gonna lie, you’re weirding me out.” “You probably didn’t mean it that way, but I feel really uncomfortable about what you just said.”
   • Ask them what they mean: “What are you trying to say?” “What prompted you to bring this up?” “I’m curious what your intention is in saying that.”
   • Call out their behavior: “Hey, that’s not cool.” “Your comment was not okay.” “I’d be careful because some people might consider your opinions to be offensive.”
   • Use humor to change the topic: “I definitely didn’t get enough sleep to talk about this, so let’s save that topic for another day.” “Wow, this is a heavy subject. How about we talk about what we’re eating for dinner?”

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1. It’s totally normal to get tongue-tied when someone shames, embarrasses, or criticizes you, but it doesn’t mean you have to sit back and take it. When you want to let someone know that their words aren’t okay, use any of the following statements:^[7]

   • “It’s really not your place to judge my decisions.”
   • “What are you hoping to achieve by being rude to me?”
   • “It’s fine if we disagree, but I won’t tolerate your attitude.”
   • “It’s okay for you to be upset, but it’s not okay to be disrespectful.”
   • “Wow, that was hurtful. I would never say anything like that to you.”
   • “I don’t want to say something I’ll regret, so I’m going to walk away right now.”

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1. Whether you’re bored or simply need a break, there are tons of ways to end a conversation on a positive note. Depending on the situation, feel free to suggest future plans, excuse yourself politely, or hint that you have to be somewhere soon.

   • If it’s an old friend you don’t want to reconnect with: “It was so great to catch up. I’ll see you around!” “It was so cool to hear about your life. I hope everything works out for you.”
   • If it’s someone you want to make future plans with: “Sorry to interrupt, but I gotta run. Call me when you’re free to visit the gallery.” “I wish I had more time to chat, but I will definitely text you so we can meet up soon!”
   • If it’s your boss or colleague: “It was so good to see you. I’ll forward you the documents soon!” “Oh, one last thing before I go…What time is the meeting?”
   • If you’re trying to part ways with a stranger: “If I didn’t have to be somewhere, I would chat with you all day. Thanks for sharing that story, and I hope you have a great day!”
   • If you need to leave as soon as possible: “I’m sorry, but I really have to get going. It was great running into you!” “Shoot! I have an appointment I need to attend ASAP. See you!”

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1. A mind blank is usually triggered by stress or trauma. Scientifically, it’s caused by the “fight or flight” response—your mind goes blank under stress because hormones, like cortisol, flood your system and disrupt normal brain activity. This can make it difficult to retrieve information and think of what to say during conversation, but other possible causes include:^[8]

   • Anxiety
   • Depression
   • Dissociation
   • Low self-esteem
   • Lack of sleep

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